Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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