I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
