evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
