I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
