I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
