his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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