you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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