I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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