I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
