if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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