friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He felt like a one man threesome
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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