did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
