he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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