you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
