I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
