I'd wear matching sweaters with you
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Can you bring me the toilet please
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
