omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
