i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
My dick has a subreddit
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
