rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She announced her abortion via fbk
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
