We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
