My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
