I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
