she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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