Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
