I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
