I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
