hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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