So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
