Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
