i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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