Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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