I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
