ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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