I'm really into asian looking animals
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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