Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
