It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
