she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
