he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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