Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I'm sobbing to NWA
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
