I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I want her autograph on my taint
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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