Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
