did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
