Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
