That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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