I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
