I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
