I can text with my tongue
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
