I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My balls are so social today.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
