2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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