Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
