It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
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